It's Been Awhile since I've written on this blog and honestly I don't even know how many people I will reach if any at all.
I wanted a spot to be able to write some feelings down because I am broken. My depression feels like it's getting worse but I am happy in some parts of the day. I have GREAT Friends who will always be family in my eyes and for those who know me you know how I feel about Cody, My Good Day Family My Best Friend Christy and others. I have a new friend to add to that mix. Her name is Veronica and like the Palm Trees and Ocean she's like "Paradise". I just don't know how to put it into words all that she means to me. She's a lot like Cody and my Best Friend who I can always count on to be there.
My Life has been a Long and Winding Road but I keep going. I feel like my life is over and I am just living for those I need to live for, for those I need to make happy. It's been decided a long time ago that happiness in my life should not be but I should be there for everyone else so they can be.
I know I am never going to be perfect or will I ever find "True Love" because I'm not allowed to. Every time I do I get hurt by rejection. Every Time I think this could be the one ends up being someone else's. You could say I want Jessie's Girl, Where Can I find A Woman Like That? I love my friends who are family. I am always happy for them but why can't I ever be happy. Why can't I ever find someone to Love me like I love them. Oh yeah I'm not supposed to remember I'm not supposed to be happy.
I can't go out like most people because my Eye has a tumor. Now I lost vision in my left eye until I get it fixed in December. Will it work? Ask me when I get my patch off in January.
I know I'm just kind of going on but this is what I needed to do tonight. My Depression is killing me and I have no one to help me through it right now. I don't like bothering people. It's almost time for the #CodyFlashMob but Cody is out Ill so it won't be as fun. I'll be able to Text Veronica after the show at 9pm but she may be busy with the kids or in bed. She works odd hours and tonight is her first night off after 4 days. I have a hard time texting Christy now because she has a new man in her life who is an amazing man who loves her very much. I have another Friend Arianna but she is also busy with friends and I have a difficult time texting her because she has a group of friends who like to "Party" and I don't want to get in her way but I will be here for her when and if she falls. I look at her Snapchat just to know she's alive.
My Life has been a Long Winding Road but I am getting by with help from my friends. I just keep telling myself I will be okay even though I feel I've already died and I'm still living for those I need to be there for.
It's been awhile and I'm okay right now.
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
Monday, June 10, 2013
Today in the News: A Long & Winding Road:
Today in the News: A Long & Winding Road:
This entry is a bit of a personal entry for me because the topic took place toward me. Stress and Depression can and does hit a person at anytime and with any occurrence no matter how big or how small depression can be triggered. So how do you beat it?
After losing a job due to the business closing I fell ill with a brain/eye tumor which was discovered when I suffered a T.I.A. Aka Stroke-light. At that time I was also on a serious weight gain after another upset in life that caused me to try and commit once by running into a train and missing then by eating to attempt suffering from a heart attack due to unhealthy weight.
I needed more than what I had in my life to try and keep the depression under control when it became apparent a heart attack was too not going to work so I started watching a truly interactive News Show first on weekends then weekdays. I finally found a reason to laugh daily with this show. I then started to meet some of the cast whether it be from a GI Joe show I was involved in, cancer walks, running into one at the post office and then friendships also developed by me coming involved and my public praise for the show and it's cast via Facebook & later twitter. I started following the cast so that I could see things coming up on the show and or personal lives if it was made public by them much like Others on
Twitter/Facebook then my favorite show had a spin off with its own movie show and I became actively involved by assisting in promoting the show under the blessing of the host then started doing the same for the news program on the weekend and select topics during the week.
Let me get 1 thing clear, I WOULD NEVER SPEAK BADLY OF THESE TWO SHOWS OR IT'S CAST because of the daily motivations they give me to work hard, get better and enjoy life and hope the depression levels do not send me down to the areas I've been. For the 3rd time in my history of watching these 2 shows, those levels have been tested again. First by a producer, then anchor and now a reporter/anchor by blocking me on twitter. I know this is small and should not bother me but I've never would say or do anything intentionally to upset them or anyone enough to block me. If I have I deeply whole heartily apologize for my actions and words. I just don't understand why me? I'm sadden today but not at the level of depression I once was in my life and for the record I will continue watching and getting the word out on both these 2 shows for as long as possible. I will not give up my fight and lose to depression. Motivation is just getting stronger today it took a virtual shot to the face and stomach knocking me down but I'll get back up again. Just which I knew why.
This entry is a bit of a personal entry for me because the topic took place toward me. Stress and Depression can and does hit a person at anytime and with any occurrence no matter how big or how small depression can be triggered. So how do you beat it?
After losing a job due to the business closing I fell ill with a brain/eye tumor which was discovered when I suffered a T.I.A. Aka Stroke-light. At that time I was also on a serious weight gain after another upset in life that caused me to try and commit once by running into a train and missing then by eating to attempt suffering from a heart attack due to unhealthy weight.
I needed more than what I had in my life to try and keep the depression under control when it became apparent a heart attack was too not going to work so I started watching a truly interactive News Show first on weekends then weekdays. I finally found a reason to laugh daily with this show. I then started to meet some of the cast whether it be from a GI Joe show I was involved in, cancer walks, running into one at the post office and then friendships also developed by me coming involved and my public praise for the show and it's cast via Facebook & later twitter. I started following the cast so that I could see things coming up on the show and or personal lives if it was made public by them much like Others on
Twitter/Facebook then my favorite show had a spin off with its own movie show and I became actively involved by assisting in promoting the show under the blessing of the host then started doing the same for the news program on the weekend and select topics during the week.
Let me get 1 thing clear, I WOULD NEVER SPEAK BADLY OF THESE TWO SHOWS OR IT'S CAST because of the daily motivations they give me to work hard, get better and enjoy life and hope the depression levels do not send me down to the areas I've been. For the 3rd time in my history of watching these 2 shows, those levels have been tested again. First by a producer, then anchor and now a reporter/anchor by blocking me on twitter. I know this is small and should not bother me but I've never would say or do anything intentionally to upset them or anyone enough to block me. If I have I deeply whole heartily apologize for my actions and words. I just don't understand why me? I'm sadden today but not at the level of depression I once was in my life and for the record I will continue watching and getting the word out on both these 2 shows for as long as possible. I will not give up my fight and lose to depression. Motivation is just getting stronger today it took a virtual shot to the face and stomach knocking me down but I'll get back up again. Just which I knew why.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Why are We Here?
With so many questions of why we are here we will never know the true answers but I think I am here to give back to those who have given me so much.
Aside from my family I feel like my friends are who keep me going with their hard work with dedication to their jobs, family life and how they approach each day.
I do have to give props to my mom, brother and sisters as well for all they have done for me with the bringing up teaching me right from wrong and how to treat others as well as the continued support.
My BFF Christy is so loving and funny and I am so lucky because she is beautiful as well and she has made me a better man. I would not be here without her.
My Friend Cody is so talently funny and like a brother to me.
My Friend Ashley, Though we don't talk much is always there when needed most.
My Friend Mark has his own TV/Radio show and always has a heart to give back to the Community
My Friend Tina is right there to give me that pep talk when I need it.
My Friend Stevie plays football in the NFL for the Buffalo Bills and is a GREAT family man and works hard on and off the Field.
So with all these GREAT People they are here to help, get the message out that I am here to make a difference and one of my 2013 goals is to change the life of at least one person I come in contact with by giving back.
Merry Christmas/Happy New Year
Aside from my family I feel like my friends are who keep me going with their hard work with dedication to their jobs, family life and how they approach each day.
I do have to give props to my mom, brother and sisters as well for all they have done for me with the bringing up teaching me right from wrong and how to treat others as well as the continued support.
My BFF Christy is so loving and funny and I am so lucky because she is beautiful as well and she has made me a better man. I would not be here without her.
My Friend Cody is so talently funny and like a brother to me.
My Friend Ashley, Though we don't talk much is always there when needed most.
My Friend Mark has his own TV/Radio show and always has a heart to give back to the Community
My Friend Tina is right there to give me that pep talk when I need it.
My Friend Stevie plays football in the NFL for the Buffalo Bills and is a GREAT family man and works hard on and off the Field.
So with all these GREAT People they are here to help, get the message out that I am here to make a difference and one of my 2013 goals is to change the life of at least one person I come in contact with by giving back.
Merry Christmas/Happy New Year
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Long and Winding Road
I choose this title as my first blog title because the story that brought me here was a long and winding road.
It all started in April 2006 when I was out for a daily walk and became numb on my entire right side. Though it only occurred for a minute it felt like forever. From my head to my toes I was numb and could not move. I was so frightened I didn't know what to do. Once the numbness passed I kept walking but I had so much pain in my head, eye, and leg. All on the right side. I had just gotten new glasses the day before so I called the eye doctor to make an appointment. She ran some tests and her first thought was that I had MS. She referred me to a medical doctor at the county clinic because I didn't have medical coverage. When I visited the doctor they never did any tests they just put me on medication for depression.
Tune in next week for what happened next.
Matt D
It all started in April 2006 when I was out for a daily walk and became numb on my entire right side. Though it only occurred for a minute it felt like forever. From my head to my toes I was numb and could not move. I was so frightened I didn't know what to do. Once the numbness passed I kept walking but I had so much pain in my head, eye, and leg. All on the right side. I had just gotten new glasses the day before so I called the eye doctor to make an appointment. She ran some tests and her first thought was that I had MS. She referred me to a medical doctor at the county clinic because I didn't have medical coverage. When I visited the doctor they never did any tests they just put me on medication for depression.
Tune in next week for what happened next.
Matt D
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