It's Been Awhile since I've written on this blog and honestly I don't even know how many people I will reach if any at all.
I wanted a spot to be able to write some feelings down because I am broken. My depression feels like it's getting worse but I am happy in some parts of the day. I have GREAT Friends who will always be family in my eyes and for those who know me you know how I feel about Cody, My Good Day Family My Best Friend Christy and others. I have a new friend to add to that mix. Her name is Veronica and like the Palm Trees and Ocean she's like "Paradise". I just don't know how to put it into words all that she means to me. She's a lot like Cody and my Best Friend who I can always count on to be there.
My Life has been a Long and Winding Road but I keep going. I feel like my life is over and I am just living for those I need to live for, for those I need to make happy. It's been decided a long time ago that happiness in my life should not be but I should be there for everyone else so they can be.
I know I am never going to be perfect or will I ever find "True Love" because I'm not allowed to. Every time I do I get hurt by rejection. Every Time I think this could be the one ends up being someone else's. You could say I want Jessie's Girl, Where Can I find A Woman Like That? I love my friends who are family. I am always happy for them but why can't I ever be happy. Why can't I ever find someone to Love me like I love them. Oh yeah I'm not supposed to remember I'm not supposed to be happy.
I can't go out like most people because my Eye has a tumor. Now I lost vision in my left eye until I get it fixed in December. Will it work? Ask me when I get my patch off in January.
I know I'm just kind of going on but this is what I needed to do tonight. My Depression is killing me and I have no one to help me through it right now. I don't like bothering people. It's almost time for the #CodyFlashMob but Cody is out Ill so it won't be as fun. I'll be able to Text Veronica after the show at 9pm but she may be busy with the kids or in bed. She works odd hours and tonight is her first night off after 4 days. I have a hard time texting Christy now because she has a new man in her life who is an amazing man who loves her very much. I have another Friend Arianna but she is also busy with friends and I have a difficult time texting her because she has a group of friends who like to "Party" and I don't want to get in her way but I will be here for her when and if she falls. I look at her Snapchat just to know she's alive.
My Life has been a Long Winding Road but I am getting by with help from my friends. I just keep telling myself I will be okay even though I feel I've already died and I'm still living for those I need to be there for.
It's been awhile and I'm okay right now.
